New Stuff

Check out the new stuff I added...

Combination of some books and podcasts, all that i have listened to/read personally (except for Godspace which I am about to start). Every single one has had an influential impact on deepening my relationship with the Lord.
All the podcasts can also be found on itunes or on the Mars Hill Church app for your phone. Jason and I are podcast junkies - ha. So if you can relate, they are well worth your time. :)
And the Dallas Willard book I have listed? Read it 6 years ago and it is phenomenal (if you can make it through first 2 chapters - slow start).

Outstretched Arms

There were lots of crazy late nights at Amy and Nate's house following the weeks after Tucker died. Jason and I would alternate who got to go and just be with them, and then there were times we just hired a babysitter to come to the house so we could both be there. The "we can just go for a little bit" inevitably turned into 2..3am-ish every single time, as the conversations, tears, reminiscing...just being there, was so drawing, comforting, and plain necessary in the grieving process. Many of those nights blur together for me, but I do remember one distinctly where it was just Amy and I sitting at her kitchen table and we started talking about them having more children.

Amy expressed her desire to want to, but in God's own timing. I remember her feeling lost and confused as to when the right time would be to start thinking toward this sort of future. We chatted about different aspects of it, pros and cons of waiting, how God used a baby in David's life to help heal him from losing his previous son at birth...what was "right" and "wrong" - if there even was such a thing...
Then I remember her saying "But I'm not sure if I want a boy or a girl?" And then talking about the different aspects of each gender. That's when I stopped her and smiled and said "Good news is you don't have a single say in that one!"

We talked about how God knows what's best for them. How he knows the timing. How he knows what gender would be the best.

And then we laughed and said something along the lines of how obviously God knows what is best, but wouldn't it be awesome if she could have twins????

Since Nathan is a twin, and so is my dad, we've always said they have the best shot at having twins, and now...at a time such as this, I think this became the thought (sometimes unspoken) and even prayer of many in our family for them. But of course we all knew that He knows what is best and we trusted that.

Fastforward to the end of July when she calls me to tell me the exciting news that they are pregnant!! I was driving back from Crossett with the family and was crazy excited, yelling and screaming like a maniac. She told me how she was super early, but had already had bloodwork and was going for an ultrasound the following week.
She said the "baby hormone" in her blood was crazy high and we giggled about how it might be twins!

The following week at her ultrasound, she called me to say that everything looked great. Of course I asked her how many babies were in there....she said one.
Now, I don't want to sound like I was disappointed by any means whatsoever, because I wasn't, but I did utter "Lord, you know what's best and it's this one little baby growing in her belly. Thank you!!!"

Okay, now if you're friends with me/her on FB, you totally know the end of this story, but I'm telling it from my perspective because I want to try and convey how amazing God is, His timing, His provision, His arms that never cease to wrap around His children...bear with me. :)

Then more weeks pass...
They go in for there actual first 2 month ultrasound. And yall, their sweet doctor looks up at them, starts crying, and tells them there are now TWO BABIES in Amy's belly. And they can see that they are identical twins.
WHAT??!!!!!!!!!

She called me after the appointment to tell me and I, without reserve, immediately burst into tears and screamed so loud. I began sobbing and couldn't even get words out. Lincoln ran up to me scared and started crying, so I began trying to comfort him and assure him it was GOOD NEWS!
Then it hit me...I was standing in the exact spot, with similar looking emotions and a scared toddler clinging to me when I got the call about Tucker 5 months ago.
And I cried harder.
Thank you Lord for redeeming news.

Here's the crazy part. I learned this fact a long time ago, and when she told me "identical twins" it flooded me with even more emotions because I knew:
Fraternal twins are hereditary (the kind we had all hoped for because of the genes on both sides of our families).
Identical twins, however, have nothing to do with genetics. It is a fluke thing that is only explained by God.

It's as if God was saying, "I know yall all want twins and have even prayed to me about it and talk about how it runs in the family, but make no mistake - I got this one."

I just love how God shows up. And always in grand style where we can make no mistake it's Him. How he led them for almost a month knowing they were pregnant, but thinking it was only one baby...
How her due date was set at the end of March (40 weeks), but now that they know it's twins, 36 weeks is considered full-term, and 36 weeks could very well be the day Tucker celebrated his heavenly birthday...
How it could have been fraternal twins, but He made them identical so they could take no credit...

I'm sure Amy and Nate have felt it numerous times, but for me, that day was the first in months I have felt the arms of Jesus wrapping around our family saying "I've still got you."

I love how Amy said when they got the news of the twins how Tuck was probably up there just busting up laughing. That thought brings me so much joy. I can't wait to hold those little babies, but I really can't wait for the day when they get to meet their big brother. Joy.

(Read more at my sister's blog...I love how she describes the tug of war in her heart after learning she was pregnant and how God shows up for her!)

Girl Time

This past weekend, Jason took the boys with him to OKC for his annual college friend hangout/Fantasy Football Draft time.
I stayed behind with the little Miss for our 8th grade cell group kick-off retreat. I had one night at home without the boys and took the opportunity to accomplish 3 tasks:
1. Completely deep clean the entire house
2. Box up 1/2 of the kids' toys and hide them.
           * I am tired of picking up mountains of toys, they don't need them all, and it will feel like    Christmas when I bust them out one random, snowy day. :) I.Hate.Clutter.
3. Experimental Baking: combine my new favorite, awesome icing recipe with a new fantastic white wedding cake recipe.

By 1:00am Saturday morning, all were accomplished (including all carpets being shampooed and every room being disinfected/air purified). Bliss. And the cupcake experiment was a success.

The little Miss and I then proceeded to spend the next 24 hours with about 16 junior high girls which was awesome. I love our cell group. :) There are 4 of us leaders...all 30 years old...and since this same retreat last year, we have all since had a baby. Three of us had babies this past summer, all 2-3 weeks apart from each other. Craziness!

Adelynn was a trooper! I wasn't sure how it would go with her staying overnight at the "slumber party" but it was seamless. Well, except for the random moments that accompany having fun, silly girls play with you all weekend:

You never quite know what to expect with our crazy 8th graders...love them.

The retreat ended today, the boys returned from OKC this afternoon, and both Adelynn and I clocked at FOUR HOUR nap today. How did I used to do that overnight/no sleep stuff 15 years ago??!

Big Dreams

Jason and I debated letting Lincoln watch "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" from the Narnia series. It was a staple book and movie (original) that I grew up with and the only "sci-fy-ish" thing I have ever enjoyed watching (because it's not sci-fy at all if you're a Believer!).

We debated because of the fighting/war and the fact that Lincoln is 3 years old. But we were debating this as he was watching it with us one night - parenting at its finest. :)

He was loving the movie.
We ultimately concluded it was the Gospel being presented in a child-like manner, and conceded it was okay for him to watch, and have actually said a few prayers that the movie could have an impact.

And it has. It is one of his favorite movies that he requests frequently, and a TON of conversations about Jesus have spurned from this movie. Every time it comes on, he runs to his toy room to grab his shield and sword. He literally cannot watch the movie without it (and it ironically matches Peter's armor). Super cute.

Lincoln has greatly identified with "Peter" (which leaves Noah to be "Edmond" - rightfully so, I'm afraid...ha), and it is the only movie Lincoln has ever watched where he tells us with longing in his eyes: "I'm going to be a part of that show someday...".

Funny thing is, he is right. Someday he'll be a part of the Lord's Army and get to live out his childhood dream.

Lincoln understands "Aslan" is a representation of Jesus, and it has been amazing to see Him understand some different characteristics of Jesus through watching this movie.

Thank you, C.S. Lewis for already impacting my 3-year-old for the Lord! And thank you, Father, for using this man in such an incredible way!

3 Months

Little Miss was 3 months old yesterday. :)

She is exceptionally smiley (except when I bust out the camera, of course), and has even belly chuckled for me 3 times in the past week - I can't get enough. I find myself just having little conversations with her multiple times throughout the day, since it's these little talks that bring on the giggles. Love.

A few weeks ago she started sleeping in her crib (which means the boys are officially moved in together!)...she typically sleeps from 10:30pm-7:00am without waking up, but every once in a while will wake up at 6:30 or so. Whatever the wake up time, I feed her, and she goes right back to sleep until about 8:00am.

She takes 2 little naps in the morning, and a 3 hour nap when the boys do in the afternoon. Then she will take 2 more mini naps in the evening before bedtime. We only swaddle her for night time and that long nap. This seems to work beautifully.

She is still eating 4 ounces every 3 hours, except for afternoon napping time, she goes 4 hours.

She is not a fan of laying on her belly and neither am I since this promotes massive spit up. Yuck.

She made her first long trip (6 hours) to Jason's parents home for her first Crossett visit a few weeks ago and did great in the car! She slept most of the way and we woke her up mid trip for dinner to give her some wiggle time. It was on this trip that she first started sleeping until 7:00. Then when we came home, she went back to 5:30/6:00, but here in the last few days, has been sleeping until 7:00am again. Bliss

I am a day late writing this because I was sick in bed all day yesterday. Not sure if it was a stomach virus or just one of these crazy stomach issues I've been having, but I am thankful to be better today!

Fashionista

I'm not a shopper and I'm not an accessoris-or. I pretty much have my "mom" outfit I wear most days, which makes date night and Sundays extra special. Some of you may think "oh poor Jason...you look like a slob all the time!" And I'd like to say I started being this way when we had babies, but I would be lying.
I was this way in college, too.
So Jason knew this about me before he proposed and loved me anyway :)

In fact, my "college day" outfit that I skipped to classed (or skipped class) in is pretty much the same one I wear most days now:
running shorts/t-shirt/rainbows (unless I'm actually running, then it's Nike's).

In college I squeezed workouts in, in-between classes, so this was a natural attire, and now - though I have been running 5 days a week - well, it's just really comfortable for my "job".

When I was working before I had kids, I used to be super jealous of my husband's job (basketball coach) because he got to wear workout clothes to work every day. They even gave him money to buy this stuff every year. Are you kidding me?!

So now we are one in the same. :)

I do own some nice, cute things from my working days, but as of this year (the past few months actually), it all seems to be finally falling apart! I wore my favorite heels to church the other day and they broke. I was upset, then realized Jason bought them for me almost 5 years ago.

And then it hit me, I haven't bought a pair of heels in 5 years.
I buy a pair of black boots and a pair of brown boots every other year (cause I buy them cheap and that's as long as they last), and a pair of Rainbow's every 3 years or so (I'm due again). I've been wearing Rainbow's in the warmer months since 2004. In California that was just the norm. Not as much here, but oh well.

Pretty boring and atypical for a girl, I know.

But I do buy running shoes pretty often. In fact when they fall apart (which is about every year, if not a little sooner), I've reached my goal of clocking many miles and staying in shape.

Anyway, I don't know why I am writing this...Jason and I were just talking about it and I had to chuckle. If nothing else, he says it works for him because it fits NICELY with out budget/paying off student loans in crazy-record-time plan.

For the past few years I've said I will take all my Christmas money and actually buy some things of the latest fashions, or even clothing attire that I need because all of my stuff is so desperately falling apart.
Last year I bought us a King bed.
The year before that was my Rebel camera.
This year I'll probably buy the boys' bunkbeds.
Besides, in college (when I had more money to spend anyway), I was known as the girl who always had clothes in her closet with tags still on them...and there I was, still in my yoga pants...even after a "I just got paid" shopping spree.

Some things just aren't meant to be...like me and fashion.

********I do create tight bonds though, like the one between me and my favorite pair of jeans I bought in 2004. When these finally fall apart, I'm not sure what I'll do. Ha. (I was able to button them again today for the first time post-pregnancy!).*********

Read This

Recently, the Lord has been impressing truths of the Holy Spirit on my heart. I blogged some about this a few years ago when I took the Beth Moore class on the HS called "Living Beyond Yourself".
I talked about how, even though I was raised in a strong Christian home/environment, somehow I missed the church lesson on the absolute POWER of the Holy Spirit. Of course I knew I received the Holy Spirit and that He served as my guide and counselor through life, but I learned an incredible amount more about the Holy Spirit and his intent in/for my life...

I feel like where I grew up, it was taught about how becoming a Christian means you recognize Jesus as Lord and his death/resurrection for your sins, confess those sins, recognize your need for a Savior, then accept Jesus into your heart. Yes, this is all absolutely true What I feel was missing in that, was then being told how now as Christians, the Lord gives you the most amazing, powerful gift known to man...the supernatural POWER of the Holy Spirit that will now indwell and use your physical body to proclaim the Gospel. Why wasn't that part discussed????

In the past 2 years I have heard countless sermons on the role of the Holy Spirit and I feel it's presence more than ever before in my life. Don't get me wrong, since I became a Christian (at an early age), I did learn about the Holy Spirit that dwelt within me, but what I have come to realize over the past few years is how much I have quenched the Spirit...the powerful gift God gave us to do HIS work in a supernatural way. I think until recently, the Holy Spirit has been somewhat arbitrary to me. Yes, I want the Holy Spirit fully and continually activated!

I could go on about that journey and what it's looked like for me more, but I wanted to share just a few things that I have read/heard in the past few days that super convicting to me in my own life and thought you'd want to read them, too....
I also listed 3 of the main sources God has used in my life recently to reveal more of Himself and the Holy Spirit's role in my life in case you wanted to check them out! I love them because each of them highly depend on Scripture and fully concentrate on JESUS (and none other). I am currently reading the Francis Chan book, and haven't finished but already highly recommend it.

From the Francis Chan book:

"If you say you are called to be in the place where you are, a few questions need to be considered:
1. How would you be missed if you left this place?
2. What would change?
3. Basically, what difference does your presence make?
4. What would your church look like if everyone was as committed as you are? If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?"

"My purpose in these questions is to get you to take 1 Corinthians 12 seriously, to believe that YOU have been given a manifestation of the Spirit and that your church, the worldwide body of Christ, and the world are crippled without your involvement."

"If you are still alive on this planet, it's because He has something for you to do."

"We cannot live submitted to the Spirit and at the same time, gratify the flesh because the two are opposed to each other (Gal 5:17)."

And then something I've starting doing in my morning prayers:

"But she was not content to merely endure. She was ready every day and every moment, asking God, 'Who do you want me to love for You today?'"

One of the things Driscoll said on the recent sermon I listened to (which is also about the Holy Spirit) was:

"We do not live for God, but rather, as Christians, we should allow God to live through us."



"Jesus Gives Life": Mark Driscoll Audio Sermon  - you can also download these as podcasts, or download Mars Hill app to your phone and get these sermons. I've started listening to them as I run. This particular one is fantastic.

Forgotten God: Francis Chan - highly recommend this book. He used to speak at Biola a lot when I was there and if you ever get the chance to hear him, don't let it pass (no one skipped chapel on Chan days - ha).

Living Beyond Yourself: Beth Moore - if you're involved in women's ministry, recommend doing this study with the videos! I want to do it at least every 2 years. One of the most practical, life changing studies I have ever done.

Happy Monday :)

I just found these pictures on my SD card I forgot were there. So I made a collage of them.
Nothing important to share today. Just my oldest...

And my youngest...

(I'm sure Noah was sleeping or something)

Happy Monday!!!!

My Random Brain

1. I told Jason I want to buy one of those cool track suit things all the Olympians are wearing. I told him I'd wear it when I go to the airport to travel next, and that I'd walk through the airport with my "confident walk" and people would think I'm an Olympian. He asked me what event I'd want people to think I represented. I thought about it...not swimming (don't have the shoulders for that one to be believable)...not track...not tennis (that didn't have the "cool" factor I was going after)...maybe beach volleyball, but still not satisfied...I said "Gymnastics...they'd think I was a gymnast!"
His immediately laughed and said "You definitely don't have a gymnast body!"
Was that a compliment or insult?? Huh.
So I told him "That's the whole point of the track suit and me not walking through the airport in a leotard!"
He then said I could maybe pass as a gymnast in the track suit and looked up how much they cost.
Close to $500.
Now the whole conversation immediately became pointless (okay, it became pointless well before that).

My little Olympian

2. Heaven has been talked about a lot in our house since Tucker died. Particularly in the past 3 days, it has been on Lincoln's mind. He's talked about everything from how we get there, to who is going to be there, to what we will see there, to not having to miss Tucker anymore, and the main thing he's been going around saying is "When I get to heaven, I'm going to give Jesus a BIG hug and a kiss!!"
We've added discussing how while her eon earth, we need to tell everyone about Jesus and how much He loves them. Yesterday, I noticed he was playing with some of his Veggie Tales figurines and our decorative cross off the table. He was acting like Junior the Asparagus was "Jesus" and was dying on the cross, but then would get off the cross and say "You can't defeat me! I'm the strongest EVER!"
Love these times of watching his heart try and grasp these concepts of His Creator.

3. Jason has has the nastiest form of strep I've ever seen this past week. We were close to having to take him to the ER a few times. The poor guy hasn't been able to eat anything but yogurt for about 5 days and has lost 15-20lbs because of this nasty thing. I think he is finally on the mend though.

4. I'm sad our swimming days are dwindling for the summer. But then when I was running at the gym last night, it hit me - now that I belong to a gym, we have an indoor pool to use at any time! So our winter workouts may end with some pool time! Noah can still practice his "Wyan Wochte" skills (as he refers to his favorite swimmer).

5. Speaking of running, I mix it up all the time to keep from getting bored on the treadmill, and I did something yesterday I think all of you could get through. It's not that hard, and the time passes super fast because you are always changing the speeds. So for those new runners or ones out of shape trying to regain it, or those who wanna run but get bored, give this a try:
5 min: run 6.0
5 min: walk 4.8
4 min: run 6.0
4 min: walk 4.8
3 min: run 6.0
3 min: walk 4.8
2 min: run 6.0
2 min: walk 4.8
1 min: run 6.0
1 min: walk 4.8

30 min total.

Then as you get better, increase running speed with each interval.
These basketball buddies putting their time in at the gym:

Have a good day!!!

Retiring

A while back an older couple spoke in our community service about some mission work they are doing. They were one of my 8th grade cell group girl's grandparents.
Here is what was so incredibly intriguing and challenging about this couple:
They felt called to do missions in Asia-area when they were well into their grandparenting years, and they went.
In a world were people strive to make enough to "nicely retire", their story stood out like a sore thumb to me. Their goal was anti the "American dream" - they heeded the words of Paul to "finish the race strong" and, even in their more ripened years, had hearts sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance and were obedient.
It was such a refreshing picture of what Paul must have meant when he urged the church to finish strong.
Here's the kicker, too...this couple isn't doing anything easy or comfortable. They are working with sex-trafficked refugees on the border of Burma and in Thailand...some of the most dangerous areas in the world, and in one of the most dangerous/risky businesses in existence right now.
They had originally only committed to a few years, but are going strong on 7 as we speak.
She came and spoke to our cell group girls a few months back, and it is incredible what God is doing through them in their ministry.
I hope to have a chance to join them next summer for a short trip!! :)

Anyway, love their story. Love their willingness to be used by God, no matter their age or what society tells them they should be doing now. Their race is not over.

Jason and I have recently talked about this upon hearing their story, and how "retirement" just isn't Biblical as far as we understand Scripture. Our mission as Christians is to reach the world for Christ and make disciples. Sounds cliche, but life is so dang short, even if we're blessed to live old! There is not a lot of time to evangelize and make disciples and when we aim to just sit back and "nicely retire", we cut it even shorter!

Something that's burdened me and some of my friends recently who are in the same life stage has been the lack of contact with non-Christians. Staying at home with small kids, I've struggled with how to "make disciples" and put myself in the paths of people who don't know the love of Christ. I was a part of a meeting with some ladies from my church the other night and we discussed this for three hours. I left incredible encouraged and completely energized by some things God single handedly orchestrated and brought together that night (that will go in effect starting this fall). Seriously y'all, my husband and I (and me personally) have been praying and discussing things God has been laying on our heart for the upcoming near future and a few nights ago, the first steps just beautifully fell together, but (in amazing God-fashion!) none of it in the way I had thought. Which was simply beautiful.
I'm excited to share some of these as they continue to unfold and incredibly energized by what God is doing.
I will share one piece: I was challenged and convicted that night by how when I pray :"God show us what's next and we will follow!!" that He might ask of me something I'm uncomfortable with or never imagined. I realized that what I really mean sometimes when I pray is: "God, I have these 3 great ideas...you pick which one and I'll do it."
Yeah that's not how it works and I was convicted.
Excited for what's in store...in a nervous/uncomfortable sort of way. :)

oh, and check out that couple's site Garden of Hope!