4 Months

I'm 4 months!!!!!!

My stats:
Height - 50%
Weight - 75%
Head - 90+%....I'm my brothers' sister for sure.

How am I sleeping???
As of the past week...pretty darn good. It has rocked my world - in a good way. :)
You doze off in the morning a couple of times for a light little rest. This is in the car seat, in your chair, on the floor...wherever. Then after lunch, I swaddle you up and you sleep for 3 hours (in your crib) between your noon and 3:00 meals. I love this schedule and that you adhere to it.
The last time we feed you is usually 10:00pm, then we swaddle you up, toss you in the crib with a kiss and a pacy. This past week, you have woken up around 5:00am, but I go in there and just put your pacy back in your mouth, and you have mostly slept all the way until 9:00am. It's fantastic and I'm blessed by your love of sleep. :)

You eat 5 bottles of 6oz./day and are still spitting up, though not as much since we started adding a little rice to your bottles.

You are one happy baby. Daddy and I were talking about how you are much sweeter and happier than either of the boys were at this age. You're just super easy going and don't really ever cause much of a fuss unless you are hungry or sleepy. And even then, you're easily soothed.

You are a cuddler!!! My first cuddle baby ever!!! Your favorite position is just curled into my chest while I hold you. You love it, I love it...it's hard to put you down!

Your main nickname is "little sister". I call you that probably 70% of the time.

You love the trampoline. Well, you love sitting in my lap on it, and watching your brothers go crazy. It's the first time we heard you belly chuckle from the gut over and over. So now we make it a nightly family routine (when it's nice outside) since you love it so much. Noah loves jumping high and making you laugh on the trampoline. He thinks it's hilarious.

Noah is starting to pay more attention to you these days but oh my goodness, your brother Lincoln absolutely adores you. He always has, but these past few weeks, you have started to show admiration and preference for him which is SPECIAL. He made up his own little games with you to get you to laugh at him. Neither daddy nor I can do this in the manner he does. It's you and your brother's secret, special game and it is precious. He often, out of the blue, just tells us how much he loves you and how pretty you are. I think you and Lincoln are going to have one special relationship little sister.

Overall, we just can't get enough of you. And that's not the cliche thing to say either...I just don't know how else to put the honest truth! You're such a JOY. I love dressing you, holding you, playing with bows, singing to you, and can't wait for all the girlie things we're going to do together. I'm so thankful God blessed us with you sweet little sister.

Oh the Debt Talk

CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!

As of today, we have noooooo car payments/house payments/credit card payments...I paid of the last little bit of the last car standing this morning!
This is huge for us because we never would have been on this journey if it wasn't for our convictions in the Biblical areas of "owe nothing to anyone" (Romans 13:8), and then for God giving us the drive and determination to get ourselves to a life of living debt-free. We made the commitment 3 years ago, changed our lifestyle drastically, crushed the idea of striving toward the "American Dream", and had people hold us accountable along the way.
We've said all along it's been a heart change for us both. The things we once desired have just been plain unappealing. I will admit, when we moved to Bentonville, there were a few times at the beginning where I felt myself being swayed back toward the "come on, you deserve it" or "stop paying extra toward that loan for just this month and buy this awesomeness over here" or "wow - we could totally afford that house" but I am so thankful for God's patience with us in this journey and how He has ultimately provided.
Probably the biggest help He sent were dear friends who are on the exact same journey with the exact same convictions. Praise the Lord.

When we initially set on this journey, we knew once we got to the end, we have a considerable extra amount of money after everything was paid off, but we made the commitment to still budget and not change our lifestyle. No excessive cars/housing/furniture/whatever...we were going to call it Kingdom Money. Not sure what that means but we are confident God has a purpose for us and how to use it when we get there. I'm excited to see.

Now we still aren't 100% done, but we are about 80% of the way there.

My purpose in sharing all of this is mainly in part to praise God, hands down, for embarking us on this journey because it has been incredible the amount of blessing (not money blessing) that has flowed from it. I started an entire separate blog on this journey because some of things He did were just so incredible once we committed to this. This is by no means us. Nope. We are incredibly sinful/selfish/envious/ and greedy in our own nature to be honest. We have horrendous track records both individually, before we married, and our first year of marriage in regards to money. We had some CRAZY debt people. Praise the Lord for swooping us up and changing our hearts.
We said it from the beginning and we're still saying it - we want to be free of all ties so that we can go where He wants us without hesitation.

Oh - and a disclaimer: people have asked us a lot, but no - we have never taken a D.Ramsey class. We just made our own plan based on logic, committed it to the Lord, and followed it (making changes accordingly along the way). Simple, really. I've since looked at some Ramsey stuff to see if what we do is similar, and some things are, but there are some big things that we disagree on.

Big, Tough Tucker

I think I have blogged about this before, but Lincoln cognitively gets way more than I give him credit some times. People have often asked me what he thinks about Tucker not being here anymore and the kid gets it - in its most simplest form - but he gets it. He understands how exciting it is that Tucker gets to live in the arms of Jesus in Heaven, but also how sad we all are to miss him being here right now...he understands that one day we'll get to see him again when Jesus comes back to get us and this is usually followed by: "Amy and Na-Na are going to be SOOO excited when Jesus comes back!!"
Won't we all. :)

He has these moments some times that trigger his memory of Tucker and he'll just start talking about him. These conversations usually consist of Tucker, Jesus, and Heaven.

Right after Tucker died, Jason and I were nervous at first that the kids might say something "wrong" around Amy and Nate or the other family, and we began praying for God to use their words in whatever way He desired to bring about healing and comfort.

I feel these moments and conversations that are randomly stirred in Lincoln is a direct answer to that prayer. I also think his deep understanding of the mix between sorrow and rejoicing is an answer to that prayer.

The other day we randomly saw Nate's cousin Cassie, and Lincoln told her "Did you know my aunt Amy is going to have TWO babies??!! I have a lot of cousins...a bunch of cousins...and I have one cousin that's in heaven!!!" He said the last part so proudly that Tucker got to be with Jesus in Heaven.

This morning was one of those moments, and it lasted the entire morning.
It started with him singing "He's got the whole world in His hands". We like to fill in different things for the verses together. The other day, I had sang: "He's got little baby Tucker, in His hands..." and Lincoln stopped me and goes:
"Mom - I don't think Tucker is a little baby anymore."
I laughed and we changed it: "He's got big tough Tucker in His hands!"

So this morning I overheard him singing this line to Adelynn while she watched and smiled at him. He then asked me how long it had been since Tucker went to Heaven and if Jesus came and got him. He told me  - as he always does - that when he gets to Heaven, he is going to give Jesus a BIIG hug and a BIIG kiss! He proceeded to talk throughout the morning about his idea of Heaven, Amy and Nate, and some other related things. Then on the way to the gym, he was just staring out the window and goes "Mommy, I really miss Tucker."

Thank you Jesus for these moments.

New Stuff

Check out the new stuff I added...

Combination of some books and podcasts, all that i have listened to/read personally (except for Godspace which I am about to start). Every single one has had an influential impact on deepening my relationship with the Lord.
All the podcasts can also be found on itunes or on the Mars Hill Church app for your phone. Jason and I are podcast junkies - ha. So if you can relate, they are well worth your time. :)
And the Dallas Willard book I have listed? Read it 6 years ago and it is phenomenal (if you can make it through first 2 chapters - slow start).

Outstretched Arms

There were lots of crazy late nights at Amy and Nate's house following the weeks after Tucker died. Jason and I would alternate who got to go and just be with them, and then there were times we just hired a babysitter to come to the house so we could both be there. The "we can just go for a little bit" inevitably turned into 2..3am-ish every single time, as the conversations, tears, reminiscing...just being there, was so drawing, comforting, and plain necessary in the grieving process. Many of those nights blur together for me, but I do remember one distinctly where it was just Amy and I sitting at her kitchen table and we started talking about them having more children.

Amy expressed her desire to want to, but in God's own timing. I remember her feeling lost and confused as to when the right time would be to start thinking toward this sort of future. We chatted about different aspects of it, pros and cons of waiting, how God used a baby in David's life to help heal him from losing his previous son at birth...what was "right" and "wrong" - if there even was such a thing...
Then I remember her saying "But I'm not sure if I want a boy or a girl?" And then talking about the different aspects of each gender. That's when I stopped her and smiled and said "Good news is you don't have a single say in that one!"

We talked about how God knows what's best for them. How he knows the timing. How he knows what gender would be the best.

And then we laughed and said something along the lines of how obviously God knows what is best, but wouldn't it be awesome if she could have twins????

Since Nathan is a twin, and so is my dad, we've always said they have the best shot at having twins, and now...at a time such as this, I think this became the thought (sometimes unspoken) and even prayer of many in our family for them. But of course we all knew that He knows what is best and we trusted that.

Fastforward to the end of July when she calls me to tell me the exciting news that they are pregnant!! I was driving back from Crossett with the family and was crazy excited, yelling and screaming like a maniac. She told me how she was super early, but had already had bloodwork and was going for an ultrasound the following week.
She said the "baby hormone" in her blood was crazy high and we giggled about how it might be twins!

The following week at her ultrasound, she called me to say that everything looked great. Of course I asked her how many babies were in there....she said one.
Now, I don't want to sound like I was disappointed by any means whatsoever, because I wasn't, but I did utter "Lord, you know what's best and it's this one little baby growing in her belly. Thank you!!!"

Okay, now if you're friends with me/her on FB, you totally know the end of this story, but I'm telling it from my perspective because I want to try and convey how amazing God is, His timing, His provision, His arms that never cease to wrap around His children...bear with me. :)

Then more weeks pass...
They go in for there actual first 2 month ultrasound. And yall, their sweet doctor looks up at them, starts crying, and tells them there are now TWO BABIES in Amy's belly. And they can see that they are identical twins.
WHAT??!!!!!!!!!

She called me after the appointment to tell me and I, without reserve, immediately burst into tears and screamed so loud. I began sobbing and couldn't even get words out. Lincoln ran up to me scared and started crying, so I began trying to comfort him and assure him it was GOOD NEWS!
Then it hit me...I was standing in the exact spot, with similar looking emotions and a scared toddler clinging to me when I got the call about Tucker 5 months ago.
And I cried harder.
Thank you Lord for redeeming news.

Here's the crazy part. I learned this fact a long time ago, and when she told me "identical twins" it flooded me with even more emotions because I knew:
Fraternal twins are hereditary (the kind we had all hoped for because of the genes on both sides of our families).
Identical twins, however, have nothing to do with genetics. It is a fluke thing that is only explained by God.

It's as if God was saying, "I know yall all want twins and have even prayed to me about it and talk about how it runs in the family, but make no mistake - I got this one."

I just love how God shows up. And always in grand style where we can make no mistake it's Him. How he led them for almost a month knowing they were pregnant, but thinking it was only one baby...
How her due date was set at the end of March (40 weeks), but now that they know it's twins, 36 weeks is considered full-term, and 36 weeks could very well be the day Tucker celebrated his heavenly birthday...
How it could have been fraternal twins, but He made them identical so they could take no credit...

I'm sure Amy and Nate have felt it numerous times, but for me, that day was the first in months I have felt the arms of Jesus wrapping around our family saying "I've still got you."

I love how Amy said when they got the news of the twins how Tuck was probably up there just busting up laughing. That thought brings me so much joy. I can't wait to hold those little babies, but I really can't wait for the day when they get to meet their big brother. Joy.

(Read more at my sister's blog...I love how she describes the tug of war in her heart after learning she was pregnant and how God shows up for her!)

Girl Time

This past weekend, Jason took the boys with him to OKC for his annual college friend hangout/Fantasy Football Draft time.
I stayed behind with the little Miss for our 8th grade cell group kick-off retreat. I had one night at home without the boys and took the opportunity to accomplish 3 tasks:
1. Completely deep clean the entire house
2. Box up 1/2 of the kids' toys and hide them.
           * I am tired of picking up mountains of toys, they don't need them all, and it will feel like    Christmas when I bust them out one random, snowy day. :) I.Hate.Clutter.
3. Experimental Baking: combine my new favorite, awesome icing recipe with a new fantastic white wedding cake recipe.

By 1:00am Saturday morning, all were accomplished (including all carpets being shampooed and every room being disinfected/air purified). Bliss. And the cupcake experiment was a success.

The little Miss and I then proceeded to spend the next 24 hours with about 16 junior high girls which was awesome. I love our cell group. :) There are 4 of us leaders...all 30 years old...and since this same retreat last year, we have all since had a baby. Three of us had babies this past summer, all 2-3 weeks apart from each other. Craziness!

Adelynn was a trooper! I wasn't sure how it would go with her staying overnight at the "slumber party" but it was seamless. Well, except for the random moments that accompany having fun, silly girls play with you all weekend:

You never quite know what to expect with our crazy 8th graders...love them.

The retreat ended today, the boys returned from OKC this afternoon, and both Adelynn and I clocked at FOUR HOUR nap today. How did I used to do that overnight/no sleep stuff 15 years ago??!

Big Dreams

Jason and I debated letting Lincoln watch "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" from the Narnia series. It was a staple book and movie (original) that I grew up with and the only "sci-fy-ish" thing I have ever enjoyed watching (because it's not sci-fy at all if you're a Believer!).

We debated because of the fighting/war and the fact that Lincoln is 3 years old. But we were debating this as he was watching it with us one night - parenting at its finest. :)

He was loving the movie.
We ultimately concluded it was the Gospel being presented in a child-like manner, and conceded it was okay for him to watch, and have actually said a few prayers that the movie could have an impact.

And it has. It is one of his favorite movies that he requests frequently, and a TON of conversations about Jesus have spurned from this movie. Every time it comes on, he runs to his toy room to grab his shield and sword. He literally cannot watch the movie without it (and it ironically matches Peter's armor). Super cute.

Lincoln has greatly identified with "Peter" (which leaves Noah to be "Edmond" - rightfully so, I'm afraid...ha), and it is the only movie Lincoln has ever watched where he tells us with longing in his eyes: "I'm going to be a part of that show someday...".

Funny thing is, he is right. Someday he'll be a part of the Lord's Army and get to live out his childhood dream.

Lincoln understands "Aslan" is a representation of Jesus, and it has been amazing to see Him understand some different characteristics of Jesus through watching this movie.

Thank you, C.S. Lewis for already impacting my 3-year-old for the Lord! And thank you, Father, for using this man in such an incredible way!