Most of you have seen the verse used at Tucker's funeral, "God is with you, mighty warrior!" from Judges, and I hope you get the chance to one day here Nathan tell the story behind the verse, of how he prayed that verse over Tucker from the start, praying his life would resemble that of a mighty warrior of Christ. It's an extremely moving story and something we now pray, too over our boys.
A few days ago I went to the place in Scripture where the verse is to read the story surrounding such a bold declaration.
The command is from an angel of the Lord, speaking to the great warrior, Gideon. If you don't know the story of Gideon, he was a faithful man of God who stood out among his fellow Israelites who had fallen away from the Lord (even after being delivered under the leadership of both Moses and Joshua.) From what I understood, the Israelites had assumed a defeatist attitude of such, began worshiping false gods, and were standing on the brink of getting demolished by the Midianites, whose army consisted of several hundred thousands of men.
The Israelites defeat appeared certain; their battle seemed hopeless; they had forgotten their God.
And that's where we find this dialogue:
The angel of God appeared to Gideon and said, "God is with you, mighty warrior!"
13 Gideon replied, "With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, 'Didn't God deliver us from Egypt?' The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian."
14 But God faced him directly: "Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven't I just sent you?"
15 Gideon said to him, "Me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me. My clan's the weakest in Manasseh and I'm the runt of the litter."
16 God said to him, "I'll be with you. Believe me, you'll defeat Midian as one man."
Isn't it interesting that after the verse we've been using/seeing/reciting in light of Tucker these past weeks is directly followed by this incredibly faithful man of God, questioning (albeit, respectfully) God's ways and His plan??? And God demonstrates grace and patience with Gideon and He gently keeps commanding... "Go in strength...I'll be with you...Believe me...You'll defeat...".
And many of you might know how the story goes...Gideon trusts God, and builds his army to fight.
He gets about 32,000 volunteers to defeat the Midianites - which is a far cry from the opposers numbers - and God says he has TOO MANY MEN! God tells him that if they have victory with that many men, then they might take credit for their victory versus giving the glory to God.
So God has him reduce his army to only 300 men, so all will see the glory of God shine through and know God is powerful and works through his faithful men.
And of course they won...300 men to the hundreds of thousands - but they had GOD. "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Anyway, I found this story surrounding Judges 6:12 rich with comfort, conviction, and encouragement.
God's plans can seem so incredibly bizarre sometimes...making us question him...but He desires two things from us: to Trust and Obey (and the choir starts singing the old Baptist hymn - ha.).
Again, I'm no Theologian...these were thoughts based on my reading of the passage a few nights ago. But wow I love how God works - through the broken, through our questioning, through our lack of understand in dyer circumstances, through our trust and obedience. And I know this circumstance my sister and Nate (and all of us) are all in is no different. God's glory will shine. He ask that we continue being mighty warriors - something only made possible with Him working through us.
(and who all wants to name their next son Gideon now??!)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A Little Piece of Heaven
A big question for Jason and I when sweet Tucker went to be with Jesus was "how do we tell our kids?" We got this questions from lots of people as it swirled in our own minds, and frankly, we didn't really know. Noah is too young to really comprehend, but Lincoln is just old/mature enough to understand, but not old/mature enough to really understand.
Lincoln loved his cousin Tucker...he always had a sweet spot for him and was super caring and considerate of him. He was always willing to share his toys, teach him new games, and help him do things. We always talked about how encouraging his interactions were toward Tucker, foreseeing that's how he might be with Adelynn when she was born.
A few months back at Noah's 2nd birthday party, Lincoln invented a game called "Tucker Down!" where him and Tuck would "wrestle" - sometimes Noah joining in, and when Tucker would fall down first, Lincoln would have everyone yell "Tucker down!!!" Tucker would just chuckle with that giggle of joy and delight. He loved wrestling with his cousins, and we all joked and quickly observed he was already tougher than both his cousins!
Lincoln, Tucker, and Noah had gotten to spend the two previous Saturdays together before Tucker died. They were all at such a fun age of playing together...Amy and I had just discussed how we need to start getting them all together at least once a week for a few hours to play together because they all enjoyed it so much.
Tack that on to the many plans we had made for these cousins so close in age since the day we discovered Amy was having a boy...the camping trips with dads/grandpa...the playdates...the beach trips...the wild, hyper annual holidays filled with boy cousins so close in age...the strong bonds and friendships we would foster between them...the day they would come to know Jesus as their personal Savior and share an even deeper bond that, we prayed, would influence the Kingdom as a power of 3 someday...oh the plans.
But God had different plans in mind for these boys. And we can only trust they are much more deeper and eternal than any we could fathom. And though it still hurts that we won't have the chance to see those relationships blossom, I wonder if perhaps Tucker's testimony will someday be a catalyst to leading Lincoln and Noah to the Lord...the same, mighty, powerful Savior that holds sweet Tucker in His arms.
So back to my original...when we told Lincoln about Tucker, we focused on where he was and not how he got there (that will come as he can understand more). Lincoln already knows about heaven - as much as he can comprehend - and his eyes lit up with wonder. We talked about other people that were already there too, like David, Joshua, Sampson...he asked if Peter, James, and John were there. Yes. He said, "And that's where Bob and Larry are, too, huh?" Sort of...on the right track. And then he said, "What about Wolverine and Spiderman?" Hmmm...getting off track a little, maybe?? :)
Then he declared to us, "Mommy, daddy - I bet Tucker and Jesus are playing wrestle right now! And I bet they are jumping on a BIG trampoline!! Oh - and I bet they are going to play Hungry Hippos!"
Then he wanted to know when we all got to go there and play with Jesus and Tucker...faith like a child. Part of me was sad that we didn't hammer home the fact that this was a tragic loss for us and that we were all really sad about this.
But then I stepped back from the moment and thought of how perfect Lincoln's perspective was...faith of a child.
Since then, we have had several conversations throughout the week about Tucker in Heaven. One day, he was jumping on the trampoline and stopped, looking in the sky, and emphatically started yelling and waving at the sky "Hi Tucker!!! Hi Tucker!!! Look mommy and daddy, it's Tucker!! Hi Tucker!!!!!"
And then today we were talking about it before naptime and he talked again about how one day we would all get to go play with Jesus and Tucker in Heaven. His only concern was "What about if Noah's poops?? Should we take a diaper?" Then he goes, "I know! We can just borrow one of Tucker's!" He told me he thinks Peter, James, and John are changing Tucker's diapers for him.
I love these little conversations we have about Tucker...about Heaven...and most importantly, about Jesus. This morning we taught Lincoln the verse Nathan prayed over Tucker:
"The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior!" Judges 6:12
Lincoln loved his cousin Tucker...he always had a sweet spot for him and was super caring and considerate of him. He was always willing to share his toys, teach him new games, and help him do things. We always talked about how encouraging his interactions were toward Tucker, foreseeing that's how he might be with Adelynn when she was born.
A few months back at Noah's 2nd birthday party, Lincoln invented a game called "Tucker Down!" where him and Tuck would "wrestle" - sometimes Noah joining in, and when Tucker would fall down first, Lincoln would have everyone yell "Tucker down!!!" Tucker would just chuckle with that giggle of joy and delight. He loved wrestling with his cousins, and we all joked and quickly observed he was already tougher than both his cousins!
Tack that on to the many plans we had made for these cousins so close in age since the day we discovered Amy was having a boy...the camping trips with dads/grandpa...the playdates...the beach trips...the wild, hyper annual holidays filled with boy cousins so close in age...the strong bonds and friendships we would foster between them...the day they would come to know Jesus as their personal Savior and share an even deeper bond that, we prayed, would influence the Kingdom as a power of 3 someday...oh the plans.
But God had different plans in mind for these boys. And we can only trust they are much more deeper and eternal than any we could fathom. And though it still hurts that we won't have the chance to see those relationships blossom, I wonder if perhaps Tucker's testimony will someday be a catalyst to leading Lincoln and Noah to the Lord...the same, mighty, powerful Savior that holds sweet Tucker in His arms.
So back to my original...when we told Lincoln about Tucker, we focused on where he was and not how he got there (that will come as he can understand more). Lincoln already knows about heaven - as much as he can comprehend - and his eyes lit up with wonder. We talked about other people that were already there too, like David, Joshua, Sampson...he asked if Peter, James, and John were there. Yes. He said, "And that's where Bob and Larry are, too, huh?" Sort of...on the right track. And then he said, "What about Wolverine and Spiderman?" Hmmm...getting off track a little, maybe?? :)
Then he declared to us, "Mommy, daddy - I bet Tucker and Jesus are playing wrestle right now! And I bet they are jumping on a BIG trampoline!! Oh - and I bet they are going to play Hungry Hippos!"
Then he wanted to know when we all got to go there and play with Jesus and Tucker...faith like a child. Part of me was sad that we didn't hammer home the fact that this was a tragic loss for us and that we were all really sad about this.
But then I stepped back from the moment and thought of how perfect Lincoln's perspective was...faith of a child.
Since then, we have had several conversations throughout the week about Tucker in Heaven. One day, he was jumping on the trampoline and stopped, looking in the sky, and emphatically started yelling and waving at the sky "Hi Tucker!!! Hi Tucker!!! Look mommy and daddy, it's Tucker!! Hi Tucker!!!!!"
And then today we were talking about it before naptime and he talked again about how one day we would all get to go play with Jesus and Tucker in Heaven. His only concern was "What about if Noah's poops?? Should we take a diaper?" Then he goes, "I know! We can just borrow one of Tucker's!" He told me he thinks Peter, James, and John are changing Tucker's diapers for him.
I love these little conversations we have about Tucker...about Heaven...and most importantly, about Jesus. This morning we taught Lincoln the verse Nathan prayed over Tucker:
"The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior!" Judges 6:12
Friday, March 9, 2012
Picture This Scene...
Last night I had the privilege of stepping back from a situation for a bit and observing the power of our God working in broken lives. It was a powerful moment for me and I thought I would attempt to share it with you.
Jason and I have spent our evenings with Amy and Nate this week...some separate, taking turns, and others together when our sweet friends have offered to watch our kids.
Last night we went together. And the nights all have the common themes of sadness, grieving, intense conversations about the power and nature of our Savior, Heaven, and of course all of them are intertwined with laughter and stories of our little Tucker.
Last night in particular, Nathan and Jason got into some pretty deep theological discussions at the kitchen table, grappling with God's power, His plans, His will, His love, and such. When I joined the conversation, the talk turned toward that of future ministry God has laid out before Amy and Nate in the midst of the tragedy they are currently experiencing. It was an uplifting conversation and Nate said something that struck me in a powerful way. He said (along the lines) how he hopes people can see them go through the unthinkable tragedy of losing a child, and still see that he is okay with his Lord.
This was powerful to me in that I have in the past heard it said by others, "We can go through tragedy, but we'll still be okay!"
Nate's version implied that they may not be "okay" and that the pain is deep and the struggle fierce, but that their God never changes, nor does his relationship with Him...the ultimate test of our faith in whom we call Savior...right?
So as we're discussing these things of God at the kitchen table, another dear friend, Matt, joins us with his Bible and opens up Romans 8. He begins sharing from some things God has been teaching him, which are all intertwined with the conversations we have been having over the past hour.
And then it hit me...I stepped back from the scene for a moment and took it in:
Here were three Godly men, one of which had just experienced the most unimaginable tragedy for any parent, in a house that was terrorized by an extremely traumatic scene just last week, and they were... praising their Savior through their obedience of delving into His word for guidance, discussing what possible future ministry He might have in mind, expressing their deep desire for others to know HIM fully and to be used in that process by whatever means, and ultimately acknowledging that He is still Lord of their lives.
It felt so normal to be a part of the conversation in the midst, but when I stepped back, I was hit with how abnormal such a scene really is under such circumstances.
Don't get me wrong...the pain is deep and we all share that as well...but over these past weeks, I have witnessed a family/community grieving with hope.
And there is a big difference than grieving with despair.
A good friend of ours sent a verse to Amy last night that delineates this difference and was impactful to all of us as Amy read it aloud: it's Paul urging the Thessalonians not "to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." (I Thess. 4:13).
So just thought I'd share a scene from last night.
And I want you all to know that Amy has been reading every last message you guys have sent her. I have witnessed a lot of them, she read a lot aloud last night that were in response to her blog, and each one has touched her soul. Thank you for loving on her, encouraging her, and praying for her. She has been immensely blessed by you all.
Love yall.
Jason and I have spent our evenings with Amy and Nate this week...some separate, taking turns, and others together when our sweet friends have offered to watch our kids.
Last night we went together. And the nights all have the common themes of sadness, grieving, intense conversations about the power and nature of our Savior, Heaven, and of course all of them are intertwined with laughter and stories of our little Tucker.
Last night in particular, Nathan and Jason got into some pretty deep theological discussions at the kitchen table, grappling with God's power, His plans, His will, His love, and such. When I joined the conversation, the talk turned toward that of future ministry God has laid out before Amy and Nate in the midst of the tragedy they are currently experiencing. It was an uplifting conversation and Nate said something that struck me in a powerful way. He said (along the lines) how he hopes people can see them go through the unthinkable tragedy of losing a child, and still see that he is okay with his Lord.
This was powerful to me in that I have in the past heard it said by others, "We can go through tragedy, but we'll still be okay!"
Nate's version implied that they may not be "okay" and that the pain is deep and the struggle fierce, but that their God never changes, nor does his relationship with Him...the ultimate test of our faith in whom we call Savior...right?
So as we're discussing these things of God at the kitchen table, another dear friend, Matt, joins us with his Bible and opens up Romans 8. He begins sharing from some things God has been teaching him, which are all intertwined with the conversations we have been having over the past hour.
And then it hit me...I stepped back from the scene for a moment and took it in:
Here were three Godly men, one of which had just experienced the most unimaginable tragedy for any parent, in a house that was terrorized by an extremely traumatic scene just last week, and they were... praising their Savior through their obedience of delving into His word for guidance, discussing what possible future ministry He might have in mind, expressing their deep desire for others to know HIM fully and to be used in that process by whatever means, and ultimately acknowledging that He is still Lord of their lives.
It felt so normal to be a part of the conversation in the midst, but when I stepped back, I was hit with how abnormal such a scene really is under such circumstances.
Don't get me wrong...the pain is deep and we all share that as well...but over these past weeks, I have witnessed a family/community grieving with hope.
And there is a big difference than grieving with despair.
A good friend of ours sent a verse to Amy last night that delineates this difference and was impactful to all of us as Amy read it aloud: it's Paul urging the Thessalonians not "to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." (I Thess. 4:13).
So just thought I'd share a scene from last night.
And I want you all to know that Amy has been reading every last message you guys have sent her. I have witnessed a lot of them, she read a lot aloud last night that were in response to her blog, and each one has touched her soul. Thank you for loving on her, encouraging her, and praying for her. She has been immensely blessed by you all.
Love yall.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
One of Many
Writing has been a release for me for as long as I can remember...in the past it was in the form of journals, moved to the form of poetry and song throughout high school, back to journals in college, and most recently it has been through this blog and in the kid's prayer journals were started for them when they were born.
Throughout this journey of immense pain and unexplainable tragedy of losing sweet Tucker, the kid's journals have been the avenue thus far. However, I have handfuls of blog posts that have swirled in my head...things I want to share about this experience...ways we've seen God's Hand...just fun, simple sweet memories of our precious nephew...
Some of which I'm hesitant to write about because I feel as if my brain is still in a fog and that I would not be able to effectively communicate the gravity of some of these experiences.
But I'm going to try...for my own personal healing and documentation...and my prayer is you who read this blog may find comfort and FEEL the hope we all have in our Savior - for such a time as this.
The first thing I think I will share is the story of our explanation to Lincoln about Tuck's death, and his response (and continued conversation). I intended to do that on this post, but the precious little 3-year-old just toddled in here from a nap to sit in my lap, so I think I'll wait.
For now I'll leave it with a verse my dear roommate from college text me last night that I have found unexplainable comfort in today:
"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise of our God.
Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3
I particularly LOVE the part about how He gives us a "new song" to sing...in the past I've seen this as something always happy...but maybe it's a promise of restoring joy (not happiness) in Him as He directs our paths, that may be a new path that we never dreamed of taking - one that may look difficult and painful, but that once we start walking it, realize we can sing the new song because HE IS THERE.
And because we can sing on that "new path" a "new song", many will be amazed at the new song, wondering how we could ever sing such song, and know it must be GOD alone.
Love this.
And love when God interprets scripture to you in a way you've never yet seen.
Throughout this journey of immense pain and unexplainable tragedy of losing sweet Tucker, the kid's journals have been the avenue thus far. However, I have handfuls of blog posts that have swirled in my head...things I want to share about this experience...ways we've seen God's Hand...just fun, simple sweet memories of our precious nephew...
Some of which I'm hesitant to write about because I feel as if my brain is still in a fog and that I would not be able to effectively communicate the gravity of some of these experiences.
But I'm going to try...for my own personal healing and documentation...and my prayer is you who read this blog may find comfort and FEEL the hope we all have in our Savior - for such a time as this.
The first thing I think I will share is the story of our explanation to Lincoln about Tuck's death, and his response (and continued conversation). I intended to do that on this post, but the precious little 3-year-old just toddled in here from a nap to sit in my lap, so I think I'll wait.
For now I'll leave it with a verse my dear roommate from college text me last night that I have found unexplainable comfort in today:
"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise of our God.
Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3
I particularly LOVE the part about how He gives us a "new song" to sing...in the past I've seen this as something always happy...but maybe it's a promise of restoring joy (not happiness) in Him as He directs our paths, that may be a new path that we never dreamed of taking - one that may look difficult and painful, but that once we start walking it, realize we can sing the new song because HE IS THERE.
And because we can sing on that "new path" a "new song", many will be amazed at the new song, wondering how we could ever sing such song, and know it must be GOD alone.
Love this.
And love when God interprets scripture to you in a way you've never yet seen.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Details on Financial Help
There are 2 ways to help bless Amy and Nate financially and remove at least one burden from them during this difficult time.
1. Tucker Hill Memorial Fund @ Arvest Bank; make checks payable to Tucker Hill Memorial Fund; send checks to: Arvest Bank
P.O. Box 1327
Fayetteville, AR 72702
2. Make donations through Paypal account set up for Tucker. Follow this link to donate.
Yesterday morning Nate read this passage to all of us that were at the house...praise the Lord this is NOT the end and that our eternal, GLORIOUS home awaits!
1. Tucker Hill Memorial Fund @ Arvest Bank; make checks payable to Tucker Hill Memorial Fund; send checks to: Arvest Bank
P.O. Box 1327
Fayetteville, AR 72702
2. Make donations through Paypal account set up for Tucker. Follow this link to donate.
Yesterday morning Nate read this passage to all of us that were at the house...praise the Lord this is NOT the end and that our eternal, GLORIOUS home awaits!
Mark 10:13-16 (MSG)
13-16The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.
Tucker's Memorial Information
First off, it's almost incomprehensible that I am even having to write this post when I just finished talking about "cousin time" in my last one. But we have been absolutely bombarded (in a good way) with messages and questions from all of you so eager to help and shower this family with love. I'm going to attempt to answer most questions on here, but there are still a few answers I don't have quite yet.
First, many of you have inquired about what happened to our sweet little Tucker. On Tuesday, Feb. 28th, Amy put him down for a nap under completely normal circumstances, and when they went to get him up a few hours later, he was unconscious with no pulse. After intense attempts to revive him did not work, our little Tuck went to be with Jesus. Amy's daily prayer for Tucker since his birth has always been that he will KNOW Jesus...because that is the most important thing anyone can know in this life. Little Tucker KNOWS Jesus!
At this point, the doctors are baffled and there has been no identified cause of why Tucker did not wake up from his nap that day.
Memorial Fund:
There are some extensive costs involved in this that Amy and Nate are having to deal with. A MASSIVE way you can help is to contribute to this memorial fund so we can at least ease the financial burden they will be facing.
You can send checks or stop by your local Arvest Bank branch; Make checks payable to:
The Tucker Hill Memorial Fund.
***This fund has not been officially set up, but should be available by the evening and for sure by tomorrow*** I will have an address to follow where you can mail checks.
Memorial Service:
Service will be held on Monday, March 5th at Fellowship Bible Church in Lowell, Arkansas.
1051 West Pleasant Grove Road
(479) 659-8884
Visitation:
Will be Sunday evening at Nelson-Berna Funeral Home in Fayetteville, AR
4520 N. Crossover Road
(479) 521-5000
I'm not sure what time this will start, but I will post the time as soon as it is decided.
***A lot of people have also wanted an address, and rather than posting their address on this blog (since it's public), I am going to post it on my FB page.
A massive amount of you have been asking for ways that you can help. Brian and I were just discussing this and how blown away we've been by the support from every corners of all of our lives...it's overwhelming and we are all so grateful.
Ways to Help:
1. Meals. There is a meal train set up for them. Feel free to visit the website and sign up to help bless them in this way.
2. Financial Support through contributing to the above-mentioned memorial fun to help ease the burden off of them.
3. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer.
First, many of you have inquired about what happened to our sweet little Tucker. On Tuesday, Feb. 28th, Amy put him down for a nap under completely normal circumstances, and when they went to get him up a few hours later, he was unconscious with no pulse. After intense attempts to revive him did not work, our little Tuck went to be with Jesus. Amy's daily prayer for Tucker since his birth has always been that he will KNOW Jesus...because that is the most important thing anyone can know in this life. Little Tucker KNOWS Jesus!
At this point, the doctors are baffled and there has been no identified cause of why Tucker did not wake up from his nap that day.
Memorial Fund:
There are some extensive costs involved in this that Amy and Nate are having to deal with. A MASSIVE way you can help is to contribute to this memorial fund so we can at least ease the financial burden they will be facing.
You can send checks or stop by your local Arvest Bank branch; Make checks payable to:
The Tucker Hill Memorial Fund.
***This fund has not been officially set up, but should be available by the evening and for sure by tomorrow*** I will have an address to follow where you can mail checks.
Memorial Service:
Service will be held on Monday, March 5th at Fellowship Bible Church in Lowell, Arkansas.
1051 West Pleasant Grove Road
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