Turning 30

This week marks the beginning of the end of my 20's...yup, come Friday I'll be 30 years old. We started the celebrations Sunday with dinner at Hugo's on the Fayetteville square and then some lights-looking, before heading to Amy's house for cake.
It's funny because my gifts from my family all included things to help my "appearance"...a Chi from my mom, a cool Zoe hairdryer set from my sis (mine has been blowing sparks), and gift card for much needed makeup from Kristen. All appropriate for turning 30, I suppose. :)

This week I have a few things planned with friends, the first few Tiger basketball games (exciting!), a Table Mesa dinner in the works, and a dual 30th celebration with Bethany and Brandon in a few weeks.

Here are some pictures from Sunday...it was COLD!!!

Our Baby Girl :)

Most of you know, but to make it blog-official (since I someday plan to print this off as a journal of such), this third little baby growing in my belly is in fact a GIRL.
When my doctor told me this a few days ago at my ultrasound, I just stared at him in disbelief and kept repeating "really?...seriously?...are you sure?...what percentage of certainty?"

It's as if I didn't believe it was even possible...ha. Oh - and his "percentage of certainty" was somewhere between 95-100%. :)

Anyway, that ultrasound was the neatest one I've had so far of any pregnancy. The doctor took his time and just let me looked and awe over this little girl! We watched her for probably 10 minutes and she was super active, moving her hands and feet all over the place, and literally flipping 180 degrees back and forth - it was incredible. It was so clear I could count all fingers and toes! And the biggest blessing of all is that the abdominal wall still looks completely formed. What an awesome blessing and one more thing to add to the thankful list this holiday!

So we're super pumped! I was telling Jason I was a little shocked at how surprised and excited I was finding out it was a girl. I feel like I'm pregnant for the first time all over again. :)

Now, for the more important things in life (totally j/k) - Woo PIG Sooie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And on a Random Note...

Lately...
1. Since I always feel like the Holidays rush up and I find myself frantically trying to slow them down, I decorated Christmas early this year:

No small feet with two toddlers and another one the way. But we got it done. Lincoln is so proud of it all...we had some friends come over yesterday and he took them on a "tour" showing them every piece of decoration. Precious. Along with that, we have "Elf" DVRed and let Lincoln watch it. It's his new favorite (though we learned we're not allowed to call it "Elf"...No. Lincoln says the name is "Buddy".
He has also requested a "little tree" in his toy room. :)
As for Noah? He's only broken one ornament (walked into kitchen with a grin and threw it down - rascal), and has gotten three Christmas-decoration-related spankings. :) We're getting there.

2. My birthday is coming up...30!!! Can't believe it! And my best friend (is that cheesy to say at my age?) is turning 30 a few weeks after me, so CELEBRATION!!! Plans in the making. :) Love her.

3. And speaking of friends, yall, I just have moments where I feel SO blessed sometimes with the friendships God has given me. I am super thankful to be surrounded with some Godly girls (and their amazing husbands, of course) that all share the common goal of serving their Savior. I'm not a "native" here and thought it could be hard to build true friendships, but I was wrong and it's been incredibly rewarding.

4. Cell group girls! Love our 7th graders, and love my fellow leaders. Thankful and humbled to have this position in those girls' lives.

5. Tomorrow we **hopefully** find out our baby's gender!!!! I'll keep ya posted.

6. Lincoln is pretty much passed that "tantrum" phase I was worried about...I mean, he still has them every now and then but I think he must have been going through some other changes those few weeks. Thankful.

7. As of a week ago, I'm done with the first trimester! While I can't say the sickness/tiredness has completely subsided, it has gotten WAY better. I don't need a nap every day, and I have been working out more consistently again (I even ran this morning - which hasn't happened in 2 months!). Loving the return of some energy.

8. Basketball is almost here and I am SO excited! I love getting to hang out with the coaches wives (who are part of that group of friends I'm thankful for) on a regular basis, love chatting with the players' parents whom are awesome, and we're ranked high this year which will be fun!!!

A Beautiful Picture

(**All right Meredith, here's my attempt!**)

In the passed few years, I have been blessed to be a part of numerous "we're having a baby!" announcements and the joys, thrills, and squeals that accompany that. Hearing of a friend's pregnancy has become one of my favorite things (I might go crazy nuts if you tell me, so be prepared).

However, while many of these carry on with no complications, it seems a numerous amount end in tragedy whether through miscarriage, complications throughout the pregnancy, and some in the loss of a child after its birth.

As you read in my post a few days ago, we were possibly faced with these circumstances for a short period of time. And at least as far as we can tell, God has chosen to heal our baby in my belly.

The night we found out our baby was healed (again, as best we could see on the ultrasound), Jason and I got entangled in a discussion of the Psalm 139 verse:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."

Of all my years of knowing this verse, of reciting this verse, of teaching on this verse, Jason pointed out something I've never pondered:
The word KNIT.

God's living Word says He knit us in the womb...it doesn't say "make", it doesn't say "spoke into being", it uses a word that embodies patient, intricate, delicate, detailed craftsmanship from ONE hand and one tool.

Yall I don't know if that speaks to you about our Maker but it absolutely blew me away that night and created this amazing picture of the detail and design our Father put in each one of us.

I went to bed pondering this and actually had trouble sleeping that night. One of the things that kept being brought to mind were those friends of mine who have experienced tragedy with their children...those that never got to meet them here on earth or got to spend only a short amount of time with them...I began praying for a few specifically that night in the wee hours and I became overwhelmed with this beautiful picture:

Because we live in a world of death, sickness, tragedy...a place where evil tries to dominate and thinks it has won...that sometimes, the knitting process is completed by our Maker in his very lap.

The beautiful picture (that is hard describe) was that of God holding these precious children my friends never got to mother here on earth, in His lap, finishing their knitting, in total perfection and beauty. And how absolutely glorious it will be for the mothers someday to see, meet, and hold the finished project!!

One friend who has experienced such tragedy expressed to me recently how she has struggled with the verse "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it..." and the feeling of "God, why didn't you complete it in me, but rather took my child before it was born?"

And going back to the above picture, where He finishes the knitting in His lap sometimes, I believe He DOES complete His good work! Again because evil exist in our current world and we're plagued by sin and death, the truth is, I believe He completes ALL His work in Heaven...that's where we are all made perfect...where we are all made anew...where sin and death are no more...

I think this applies to the unborn child and to the 102 year old woman.

This friend and I also discussed the common phrase after tragedy, "Well, you know this all happens for a reason..."
(which I have never been a fan of)
And you know, maybe it's semantics, but doesn't God detest sin, evil, and death? Doesn't He morn with the broken hearted? I think God morns with us at loss and it was never how He intended the perfect world to be prior to sin. But I definitely believe that "What satan intends for evil, God can use for good...". Maybe that's what we should say instead...you know? I just don't think God's "purpose" is ever death or sadness. He can make purpose out of it, but I think it breaks His heart like it does ours. Again, maybe semantics...

Anyway, I am excited to watch my friends unite with their babies for the first time someday...as excited I get about new pregnancies, there will be nothing like watching that scene!

As a side note: A girl in my Bible study yesterday discussed her story of having a miscarriage that I thought was an amazing perspective. She talked about how she went in for a normal doc appointment and found out, surprisingly, she was just barely pregnant. A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. She said when it happened she was upset and confused and asked "God, why did I have to know! Why did I have to have that appointment and found out? It would have much easier to just have never known!"
Fast forward 12 or so years (I don't remember exactly how long ago it was for her but it was around then), and she said recently she was hit with the thought of now how glad she is she knows...that when she gets to heaven, she knows she has another baby to meet! She told her teenage son about this, and said she was shocked at how excited he was (and mad she never told him before) that he has another little sister to meet someday (she said she always thought it was a girl)! Anyway, I loved that...

Thanks for listening to these thoughts. I hope in some way you can picture the scene God made so alive in my heart that night!

(**Why does spell-check always sugest I capitalize satan's name...I will never.**)

Is This What They're Talking About??

So you forever hear the phrase "the terrible 2's", and upon that arrival of the infamous 2nd birthday, you wince your eyes, brace yourself (maybe crawl into a cave out of fear of that emerging "terrible" child who was once so endearing), and...wait for it...and (for us)...keeping waiting for it...Then when days pass, you take a breath...when weeks pass, you come out of your cave, and when months pass, you wonder "what the heck were they all talking about?"...and you soon move on in happy delight your toddler is just as delightful as he was before he turned two.

Then for us, the third birthday comes.

Nobody talks about the terrible 3's.

And frankly that's the last time I'll refer to it as the terrible...yes, the emotions are trying, but really? Terrible? I think not. Should be the frustrating 3's. :)

Anyway, so yes. I think we might be there? All I know is oh.my.word. over the past few weeks there has been a major increase in whining, defiance, slow obedience, crying, and all out tantrums. What happened???!!!! I was discussing my frustration over these past few weeks with Jason with GREAT concern last night (asking him if he was as concerned), then I realized, that if I talked about these "symptoms" with fellow moms, they'd probably smirk and laugh at with me, then maybe welcome me to their club??
It's not bad all the time, but Lincoln has usually been my more mature, obedient one and yes - I naively thought at one time this naturally strong-willed independent child would magically skip this phase. (I know...chuckle).

So what have we been doing? Jason and I had a "team meeting" (ha) last night to discuss how we were going to consistently handle this to hopefully shorten its length. Some things I have found helpful the past few days have been:

- explaining to him BEFORE we go somewhere (I'm talking anywhere...even down to the store) how the trip is going to go and what I expect out of his behavior. This also includes what the consequences will be if he falls short. Therefore, once we are at the public place, I just have to use short phrased "reminders" to help him stay on track. This has worked...really well the past 2 days.
- Being consistent. If he disobeys or tantrums after he knows what is expected, I follow through with consequences I told him prior. This is a PAIN. He sat in a deserted hallway at the basketball game last night (make-shift time out) while everyone else enjoyed dinner and the game (a pain because I missed too). But VITAL this is followed through, in my opinion.
- At home, if he starts to wine (this almost always turns into tantrum for him now), he either has a choice to talk from a "happy heart" or go sit on his bed until he gets a happy heart.
- And something I started this morning which I felt was WONDERFUL was Lincoln and I started his day with a prayer, asking Jesus to help him with his emotions and to be obedient. He recited his Eph. 6:1 verse and we discussed expectations for the day. And today has been the easiest of all so far in the past few weeks. No spankings or time-outs. This is going to be a part of our daily routine.

So those are a few things that I feel are starting to be helpful with us...would love to hear what you find helpful during this stage!

Another interesting note: his eyes have looked so tired lately with dark circles...no matter the sleep he gets. He has also been crashing hard at nap time, sleeping about 4 hours for the past week, and when he wakes up, he is totally disoriented and usually wakes up in a terrible mood. So not sure if he's in a growth spurt which is aiding in his wild emotions or what. Anyway, have a great day! It's getting COLD here!!!
-

Baby News

This past week has been a whirlwind...I have "written" this post in my head probably 50+ times over the past week, and each time it looks completely different. Journaling has always been a coping skill of mine, and though I knew I'd eventually blog about this past week, I have resulted to actual journaling with paper and pen these past days.

But here I am, ready to share with you a piece about my Savior.

A week ago I went in for a routine ultrasound to check the heartbeat (and sex????) of the baby. This was the first doctor's appointment I have ever had where my doctor expressed concern over a certain developmental aspect of the baby. The bowels had not returned to the abdomen wall as expected at this stage of pregnancy. After my many questions, he explained how this could mean one of two things: one was very serious and would require immediate post-natal surgery for the baby, and the other - much much more serious -  had devastating effects after the baby was born. We discussed upcoming pre-natal care which would include me going to UAMS in Little Rock for chromosomal disorders testing, more in-depth ultrasounds, and how I would ultimately have to deliver there with a specialist doctor. HE told me he wanted to see me weekly for a while to monitor this.

I was at that appointment by myself and left with floods of emotions - terrified, anxious, confused - and cried and prayed the whole way home. Something could be wrong...seriously wrong.

Half-way home my doctor called me from the office to tell me not to worry too much that upcoming week, that he still thought there was a chance it could form into the abdomen in the next few days (but that it is just usually formed by now).

And that became my prayer.

Yall, I prayed my heart out that day/night. I prayed for healing, but I ultimately Jason and I prayed that if this was the road God had in store for us, that He would get glory through whatever circumstances lay ahead. And I prayed for peace...over and over for peace -  no matter the outcome.

I told my close friends who I knew would rally in prayer for this baby. That part was overwhelming! I got verses in text, prayers emailed to us, and felt the Body of Christ in a powerful way.

That night I got little sleep. I woke up the next morning with a heaviness and I lay in bed praying for God to give me energy that day, to lift my spirits, and I asked Him why I still didn't feel the peace I had prayed for the entire day before. As I was doing this, my phone rang - a number I didn't recognize.

Here's where the miracle comes in...

I answered the phone and it was a school board member whom I've met one time - this summer. I still don't even know how she got my number. But she did and she called. And she told me God has been teaching her a lot about himself lately and she wanted to share it with another Believer.
And my name was on her heart that morning.
Which, by the way, is very very odd. This lady had no idea of our circumstances and I don't even know her that well.
But she called me and she began telling me about the armor of God and how we need it to defeat the enemy and His lies. Then she, boldly, proclaimed to me "Melissa, the battle is HIS! The battle is His!!!!!"
At this point I was crying on the phone because I knew this lady was acting as the voice of God to me. I wasn't able to explain to her the significance of her calling because I was crying so much (I later got the chance too, though!). How crazy that God used a school board member to call and minister to me that morning, BEFORE MY FEET EVEN HIT THE FLOOR.

Yall, God knows what we need and I was completely engulfed and overwhelmed by His love that morning. I called Jason to tell him about it and his response was "We have no clue how much God really loves us...none of us do...".

And that peace I had been praying for? He gave it to me after that phone call. And I have had it ever since...unwavering (no joke) which is ONLY from God. So much so, I never even googled anything from then on! Ha.

I had made such peace with whatever the outcome (even if it was the majorly devastating one), knowing God could use it ALL for His glory...and isn't that all that matters in the grand scheme of things???

These past few days, I actually had this overwhelming feeling that the mass presented above the baby's belly would be completely gone next ultrasound. I told my close friends that recently...

So today was the day and I woke with super sweet messages from friends and text throughout the day of people praying. My mom informed me that some of her close friends woke up praying for me as well...humbling and encouraging.

I had zero anxiety today which is a miracle. It wasn't until the doctor put the device on my belly getting the picture of the baby up on the screen that my heart started beating out of my chest...and at that point, Lincoln goes "Mommy?" I looked over at him and he goes "I love you."

God knows what we need...

You guys - the mass was completely GONE. There was zero sign of anything abnormal. Nothing. We nixed the plans for UAMS...Jason and I looked at each other and said Praise the Lord...He is Healer.

And here are a few interesting afterthoughts:
1. This past week could have been one of complete turmoil, google, and constant worry. But God drew me closer to Him this week. He showed up in my life through prayer and using other people. "Bad news" isn't always so bad, you guys...feeling out of control with only one place to turn can be a strangely restful place...
2. This is terrible, but I caught myself - when I first got in the car after the good news, my first thought was "Melissa, now don't go around calling this a miracle because there was a small percentage out there of fetuses that develop the abdomen wall really late..." or "This was more of a medical explanation..."
Then I caught myself and realized the many ways God demonstrated power/love just in our relationship this past week, and how the enemy would love for me to believe this was "explainable" and not a miracle.
My friend Bethany told tonight how the same has happened with her, how she has caught herself trying to excuse miracles because we really lack faith in them sometimes.

One thing I've learned (I have in the past taken for granted) is what an absolute miracle it is that all things form together in a perfect manner to form a human being. We often call it a miracle nonchalantly, but I know see clearer than ever just how incredibly miraculous it all is.

So as for this family, we choose to call this a miracle, and give God all the glory for forming this baby in a healthy manner!

So that's our latest faith journey. I will still go back for an ultrasound in a few weeks to solidify things are still good (and find out the sex!). He tried today to see the sex, but the baby wasn't very cooperative.

Anyway, thanks for listening and I'm so humbled to serve a miraculous God who loves me and knows my every need. He is PROVIDER. The verse at the top of this blog is one I cherish and claim often!

Get Me Out of the Kitchen

Maybe it's the pregnancy that makes feel as if I need to be in the kitchen? Not sure. But it's almost 10:30 and so far today this is what I have cooked:

1. Veggie Past Mac&Cheese: it's new and I like to make it early for the kids and put it in the fridge for lunch (not as messy). And this new stuff has 1/2 cup vegetables per serving - made with cauliflower.

2. Tender Roast in Crockpot for dinner - complete with potatoes, onions, carrots, and celery. I wish I could post a smell on here because it is one of my favorites!

3. Quesadillas are in the stove cooking for the kids for lunch...

4. Cupakes from Pinterest: Supposedly the best cupcake recipe ever. I will say I just tried one and they truly are pretty amazing. I think I'll have to agree with the claim. Make them if you get a chance! Now I need to find the perfect frosting recipe...

(Doesn't that look amazing! My icing isn't that pretty - it's in fact purple - per Lincoln's request).
Now on to play swords, pirates, and basketball. :)