Remembering Tucker

This picture will forever be rested tightly against my soul.

It was the last image I captured of my sweet nephew Tucker before he went to be with Jesus. It was the last time I hugged and kissed him; the last time his cousins chased him through the hallways, laughed and squealed together, hugged, tugged, shoved, and wrestled in good cousin fashion.
You see this picture - in all its poor quality - perfectly captures the joy of these little boys' relationship. A relationship that had just begun to become vivacious and exciting. One year ago today, as Jason and I sat in Amy and Nate's living room until the late hours right before midnight, we laughed and relaxed in peace, watching these boys continue to develop a rich relationship. We joked about how crazy things would be with them as they continued to grow...how chaoic and fun family gatherings would become and so forth.
But as most of you know, the Lord had a different plan and Tucker went to his heavenly home 3 days after this picture was taken.
We'll never know the complete answers this side of Heaven but we are still confident in God's faithfulness...that He is alive and active in our lives...something we've seen demonstrated in many ways throughout this journey but more particularly in the birth of Amy and Nate's twins, Max & Gideon.

So today, as I look at this picture, I remember Tucker that night one year ago. I remember him and Noah chasing each other through the house with that walker-thing...I remember them playing with trains together...I remember Lincoln teaching Tucker how to put things together..I remember hugging and kissing his sweet little cheeks...I remember how much God loves us - even in the midst of unthinkable tragedy.

There are a few songs that remind me of those times a year ago. Some I can't listen to, and others I love to listen too, even if I'm an emotional mess by the last word. One such has been the following lyrics:

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

(This was taken the last time he was at our house...another cherished one. They were in the bath because Tucker had just discovered his love for blueberries that night when I gave him a TON and made a mess..he kept signing and saying "MORE! MORE!". I also gave him turkey because Amy said he loved turkey. But when I have it to him, he took a bite and spit it out with disgust. I text Amy and asked why he was refusing it, that I thought he loved it??! She text back "is it from the deli? He only likes it if it's from the deli." HILARIOUS. that little stinker!)