What a Disappointment

Mmm...the smell of deliciously fresh-baked cookies...then not only do you get to smell their greatness, but you're now offered one. As you take a huge bite into the chocolate-chip gooeyness, ready to savor the flavor, your taste buds abruptly tell you it's in fact raisins - not cholotae chips.

A great disappointemnt.

Or how about hot summer days welcomed with refreshingly sweet banana pudding? Only you take the first bite and discover it's made with - none other - than banana pudding mix - not vanilla! (Okay - I understand I may be alone in my analogy here).

A great disappointment.

These past few months, whether it be through books, speakers, or just spirit-filled people God has crossed in my path, my eyes have been opening to a refreshing sort of existance. I am intentional in saying "opening" here because I am in the caving middle of sorting through truth and God's will, searching for meaning and its pertinance in my own life.

What type of existance?
In summary, one that is spirit-filled.

Have you ever really sat down and searched through Scripture to fully understand and know what it means as Christians to have the Holy Spirit living inside of you?

I have just begun this journey and already I am amazed, ashamed, regretful, thankful, excited, and proabaly many other emotions I find it hard to pinpoint.

I know that when I became a Christian at a young age that God's gift to me was the Holy Spirit's indwelling in my life. And through that he offers conviction, guidance, and counsel.

But I have neglected a huge portion of my life in allowing the Spirit to fill me...did you know that when we are filled with the spirit that we are then capable of doing extraordinary things through the power of Christ?

So this is where the shame and regret can seep in for me...

When I think back on my life...back on all the missed opportunities...back on the times where I was "Melissa-filled" going about my own lame agenda...the times where I let my kids fulfill me...Jason fulfill me...my friends fulfill me...money fulfill me...and you get the picture.

I particularly think of gobs of missed opportunities to make God's love known in high school and in college. It's sickening to think about how "me-focused" I was in those times. How much time I wasted. How much I neglected letting the Holy Spirit fill me so that God could do a great work in those around me.

Don't we exist for more than having fun with our friends...getting married...having kids...going to church on Sundays...tithing our 10%...keeping the house clean and family fed...?

I guess nowhere in Scripture over these past few months have I come in contact with passages where Jesus trains the disciples, then tells them:
"Now go back home, keep your house clean and family happy, go to church once a week, try not sin, pray to me every now and then, and try to lead a good, moral life."

Not even close. It's much more radical than that. He tells them to GO; to then make disciplies themselves of all nations; to sell all possessions if necessary; to forgo earthly treasures for the sake of the cause (which is Jesus)...

To sit at home and not share your treasure is to waste it.

I was recently convicted of this in a new light. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I find I do not have as much contact with hurting people like I did in my profession. I used to (When I say this, I mean last month!) make the excuse that "My kids are now my full-time ministry...when they get older, I'll get back to ministering to God's people."

I was recently convicted that this was an excuse.

That God's people still need ministering to.

Would I have to get creative with two little kids? Yes. Is this my strength? No. Praise God it's not all about me. :)

I realized that, especially in winter months, we sit in the house and play...all morning and all afternoon. Behind closed doors. While this isn't bad, and my kids need to see the love of Christ through me, we can do so much more through a spirit filled life!!! I waste most of my days in the name of having 2 toddlers!

I've been throwing around some ideas back and forth with another fellow mom (who lives in Portland!) about ways to make our days count for Christ...our HOURS count for the Kingdom of God (with 2 kids in tow!). I might share some of those at a later date (we're still brainstorming).

But for now, I challenge you to examine parts of your every day where you either are/are not claiming those hours toward advancing the Kingdom of Christ and making Him known. Our mission is to GO. Not to just try avoid doing wrong...and be nice.

I want to leave you with a passage from John Piper that I found griping. Hope it can impact you, too:

Sometimes I use the phrase "War-time lifestyle" or "war-time mindset." The phrase is helpful but also lopsided. For me, it is mainly helpful. It tells me that there is a war going on in the world between Christ and Satan, truth and falsehood, belief and unbelief. It tells me that there are weapons to be funded and used, but that these weapons are not swords or guns or bombs but the Gospel and prayer and self-sacrificing love (2 Cor. 10:3-5). And it tells me that the stakes of this conflict are higher than any other war in history; they are eternal and infinite; heaven or hell; eternal joy or eternal tourment.
I need to hear this message again and again, because I drift into a peace-time mindset as certainly as rain falls down and flames go up. I am wired by nature to love the same toys that the world loves. I start to fit in. I start to love what others love. I start to call earth "home." Before you know it, I am calling luxuries "needs" and using my money just the way unbelievers do. I begin to forget the war. I don't think much about people perishing. Missions and unreached peoples drop out of my mind. I stop dreaming about the triumphs of grace. I sink into a secular mind-set that looks first to what man can do , not what God can do.It is a terrible sickness. And I thank God for those who have forced me again and again toward a wartime mindset.

So going about my day...tithing once a month, loving my husband and kids, church on Sundays, fun times with friends, avoiding bad choices as best as possible, being nice to people...but never seeking the heart of God through ALL that I do (how I spend my money, free-time, day-to-day interactions, even through my words and actions on this blog!).

That, my friend, is what I will consider, if I were to die in this state, the wasted life (wasted on how I can do good and have fun and not on what GOD can do - cause it's SO much more!).

And with the wasted life, this will ultimately be...

The great disappointment.